We know running is good for our physical health and mental health. For a long time, I never knew I had it–I thought it was normal to be in a constant state of panic. But when I started running and my mind stopped racing, everything changed.
When I was seven, I ran my first Terry Fox race. As I walked home, proudly showing off a scrape/battle scar on my knee to my parents, I noticed I wasn’t anxious. What is this foreign yet pleasant feeling, I remember wondering. My parents saw it, too. Before I knew it, I was running cross-country. But what started as a calming activity quickly became life-consuming, and a chore. So, at 16, I decided to take a hiatus. And my anxiety came roaring back.
Where does my anxiety come from? I’ve narrowed it down to a few things: first, bad genes. Second, society (which is more complicated for girls then Greta Gerwig’s Barbie makes it out to be). Third, myself? That’s the one I’m still figuring out.
Venting about being afraid of your own shadow wasn’t the best icebreaker in kindergarten. So, I learned from an early age to tuck my anxiety into bed with me at night and sleep it off. No matter what I did to avoid it, I always got sucked back into the rabbit hole (I was like Alice, but paler).
When I stopped running, at 16, I didn’t realize I was struggling with generalized anxiety disorder; I would be diagnosed at 21. As I grew bigger, so did my anxiety. Entering university, starting new jobs, dating—these real anxieties all seemed trivial, compared to the worries mounting in my mind.
(To be clear, this is not a sad story, but one that I hope will inspire others to embrace running.)
One day, I’d had enough. For the first time in a long time, I stepped into my running shoes and raced out the door toward a nearby park. I didn’t have a plan, but I knew I needed to move my body. With every stride, my worries grew smaller. My breath and the gravel path in front of me fell into focus. Everything I had been stressed about flew away with the wind. I felt myself smiling, and this time, it wasn’t forced. I had regained control of my anxiety. I felt like the strong woman my anxiety had made me believe I could never be.
When we exercise, we release endorphins in the brain, elevating our mood and reducing anxiety. Research has increasingly shown that adults who engage in regular physical activity experience fewer anxiety symptoms.
With every morning jog, loop around a track and half-marathon build, my anxiety grew smaller, until, one day, it was nowhere to be found. Today, I run not just for my mental health, but for the girl who used to fear this big world we live in, where a future felt uncertain and peace of mind hung so far out of reach. Running helped that seven-year-old, that 16-year-old and that 21-year-old feel in control of their anxiety disorder and truly learn how to live.
