Well, it happened:
I flatted a tubular:
There I was, reveling in the spring weather and my vintage bicycle, and literally thinking to myself how I hadn’t had any flats on these things. Then there was the unmistakable sound of a puncture. Since it’s a tubular it took awhile for the air to escape–flatting a tubular is like farting in tight pants–but soon all the air found its way out and I knew the time had come for me to confront the reality of my vintage affectations.
To be honest, I wasn’t particularly concerned. I’m no stranger to tubulars, having used them during my racing days. Plus, I was almost home anyway, and I had not one but two spare tires:
Though I did have only the questionable Silca pump:
Nevertheless, given how close to home I was I wasn’t particularly concerned. I figured the real moment of truth would be getting the tire off the rim, but while it was glued quite securely it wasn’t too much more difficult to remove than a tight-fitting clincher:
Next I went into my saddlebag sweat sock and withdrew this frightening specimen:
It had no glue left on it to speak of and it had the crinkle of old parchment, but it only had to carry me for like three miles on smooth bike path so I figured I’d give it a try. The Silca brought it up to rideable pressure with no problem whatsoever, and while the base tape was raggedy as hell…
…it seemed like it would work just fine:
Alas, it took me only a few yards to discover that the tire would not work just fine. In fact it was so brittle and twisted that it immediately started to sort of twist itself around the rim, like a Dachshund trying to expose its belly. One side looked like this:
And the other side looked like this:
Basically I was riding on sidewall, I worried that the writhing tire would roll off the rim altogether, and it seemed foolish and possibly dangerous to continue:
So I peeled it off again and out came Tire Number Two:
What a fine specimen! Not only did it appear to be in great shape, but the glue on it was still tacky! Once I got this baby on I could probably just keep riding it indefinitely! (At around this point a rider slowed to offer assistance, saw that I had tubulars, and rode away in horror.) So I stretched it onto the rim, centered it carefully, put the ol’ Silca to it…and couldn’t get so much as a baby’s burp worth of air into the damn thing:
Maybe the pump head didn’t like the valve, or maybe the tube had deteriorated, or most likely, maybe I’d already punctured the tire years ago and didn’t remember. Regardless, I now had three choices:
- Walk
- Ride a flat tire
- Try my luck with the old piece of parchment
So I opted for number three, and it was wobbly and disconcerting ride:
I kept waiting for the tire to either roll off or explode in a puff of dust, and I’ve never been so happy to see the city line:
Though with the way things are going here lately you’d think the opposite.
I barely dared to stop and inspect the tire’s condition along the way, though when I did I was horrified by what I saw:
Nevertheless, I pressed on, and incredibly I made it all the way home. The bike looks just fine from this side:
But the view from the other side is another story:
So will I keep using tubulars on this bike? Probably. Yes, they’re wildly impractical, and there’s no reason at all to use them, but this bike is all about being pretentious anyway. Besides, if I’d only had a functional spare the whole tire change would have probably been more painless than fixing a clincher. Mostly it’s just a matter of being prepared…
…which I most emphatically was not.
