Detroit martial artist Jason Wilson became a viral hit in 2016 when a video of him helping a student conquer emotional barriers allowed the young boy to punch through a wooden block. It was a moment that hit home for men all over the world, of all races and religions. Is failure really so bad? And is our obsession with being an alpha male actually holding us back from trying our best? In the years that followed, Wilson continued his life-changing classes and has now become a source of inspiration all over the world thanks to his hit books Cry Like a Man, Battle Cry, and the newly released The Man the Moment Demands.
M&F sat down with the caring coach to find out what it takes to become a “comprehensive man” and why some of the teachings we received as boys have set us up to fail when it becomes to winning as men.
The journey to becoming a better worker, athlete, or simply a more rounded human being is often derailed in childhood says Wilson, but while we should work on the childhood traumas of the past, this author and instructor also says that the key to unlocking our potential lies heavily with how we handle our future. If there is an area of your life that seems to be a constant dead-end, Wilson’s concept of the “Comprehensive Man” could be a gamechanger for you.
Here are 5 points to ponder:
Be ‘Comprehensive’ Rather Than ‘Alpha
In The Man the Moment Demands: Master the 10 Characteristics of the Comprehensive Man, Jason Wilson empowers men to make gains in all areas of their life by accepting that the “alpha” stereotype that has been embedded in so many males is really a limitation rather than a badge of honor. Wilson teaches that by understanding our roles as a Fighter, Provider, Leader, Lover, Nurturer, Gentleman, Friend, Husband, Father, and Son, we become more equipped to have better results out on the field while enjoying more fulfilling relationships at home.
Wilson points out that being a comprehensive man does not mean neglecting masculinity or men’s strengths, but rather learning that some of the things we were taught as kids conditioned us to sabotage ourselves in adulthood. “The alpha wolf theory is a myth,” says the coach. “There isn’t a battle between two male wolves to see who will lead the wolf pack.”
He’s right: This theory was debunked more than 25 years ago. “The breeding pair are the leaders of the wolf pack. So, in a human sense, I tell men that if you really want to be an alpha, you need to get married and have a family, because that’s the only pack you’re going to lead. “As men, we’re longing to own something, to have purpose, so bad but the alpha male is just a costume that we wear. When we are alone at home we’re depressed, saddened, addicted to alcohol, pornography, drugs, you name it.”
It’s OK to Fail
Wilson explains that teaching young boys about their emotions in a martial arts setting makes perfect sense because it is an environment that encourages them to face their fears and failures, dust themselves off and get straight back up. Many men, whether in the sports arena or in the boardroom, feel that the negative effects they feel from failure is so great that they stop trying too hard in the first place. And yet, there is a certain freedom in embracing failure that avoiding it can never bring.
“With martial arts, especially the grappling arts, we have to be hands on,” says Wilson. “Because you have to face your fears. As men, we’re trained from childhood to embrace the façade, but when we become comprehensive men we realize that there is no freedom in the façade and that the superman cape actually strangles us instead of helping us fly in life.”
Be a Gentleman in the Gym (and Everywhere Else)
If you surveyed the men in any gym, anywhere around the world, a large proportion of guys would share that they lift weights to boost their love life, but the tunnel vision of being an alpha male can often obscure our ability to be a gentleman. Most partners are looking for someone who is caring, so be sure to open a door for someone rather than throw your weights around.
Wilson says that in his neighborhood, holding hands with a girlfriend could have caused him to receive a beatdown from the men on his street, but he’s learning that being so closed off only limits his potential to find a connection and a long-lasting love. “If you are an alpha then your whole embodiment is to impress women, from your cars to the cigars, to the suits, to the muscles, to everything,” he explains. “But what bothers me is when they label men who exude other qualities like humanity, compassion, nurturing, and patience as Beta, like they’re somehow lesser qualities. And you wonder why the world is in the shape it’s in?”
Don’t Mistake Vulnerability for Positive Openness
Men are often told from an early age that expressing certain emotions is something that we should avoid. “We’ve been taught that its soft to cry,” says Wilson. “That it’s soft to experience sadness and empathy and compassion, so we can’t heal.” The coach explains that for too many men, the concept of “vulnerability” is one that fills us with dread, and yet if we were to understand that being open is far from a vulnerable state, we may cope better when the going gets tough in our relationships with others.
Wilson points out that in the 1980s, William H. Frey, PhD showed that tears are not a sign of vulnerability, but rather an adaptive response to stress that actually makes us feel better. One could look at crying as no more of a sign of weakness than having a sore muscle after an intense workout. “So, when you tell a boy, you program them from childhood that big boys don’t cry, suck it up, man up, then we wonder why, when our boys become teenagers, they’re apathetic and disconnected, they won’t talk. We’ve programmed them that way. And then when they become younger men and go into adulthood they just learn how to mask their pain and they hide it behind ‘I’m good’ or ‘I’m strong, but no one can be perpetually strong.’
Don’t Confuse Discipline with Desire
Wilson also provides hope for those who are stuck in a rut with their training, missing gym sessions, or piling on the pounds because they have let their diet get out of control. “I actually share in my book a time my friend called me, and he is overweight, and he just said, ‘I can’t do it, you know. I wish I had your discipline’,” says the coach. “I said, ‘Do you think it’s a lack of discipline that you can’t lose weight?’ And he said, ‘What else is it?’ I told him, ‘Man, you’ve been a plant manager for 20 years now. How many times have you been late?’” It was an observation that taught the friend that since he had hardly missed any time at work, he didn’t lack discipline at all. Instead, that friend needed to focus on his desire to change.
“Do you love yourself enough to go through it?” asks Wilson. “If you’re trying to get in shape for others, it’s going to be twice or thrice as hard. But if you’re doing it for yourself, it’s different. When this is your goal, it becomes personal. I say the same thing as far as becoming a comprehensive man. The journey to comprehensive manhood is one you’re taking for yourself.”
If you would like to learn more about what it takes to become a comprehensive man, and how it could unlock your potential, The Man the Moment Demands: Master the 10 Characteristics of the Comprehensive Man is now available from Amazon. Click Here!
