The big news in the cycling world is of course that celebrity food-cooking person Gordon Ramsay has been involved in a cycling “accident:”
And has served up the obligatory “my helmet saved my life” statement:
Seasoned with a dash of father’s day guilt:
So far I have not seen any details regarding the crash itself, so it’s impossible to say whether there are any other factors that may have contributed to it regardless of the style of hat he may or may not have been wearing at the time. Was there a car involved? Did he attempt to ride on an unpaved surface without using a proper gravel bike? Was he distracted by his cellphone, or by chronic nipple irritation due to his apparent lack of a base layer?
We may never know. However, the presence of gravel in the photo does raise some suspicion:
Regardless, this is the most intense British cycling-themed guilt trip to which we’ve been subjected since Richard Branson admonished us all to wear body armor:
Even though the crash was caused by his undiagnosed lack of thumb mastery:
Photographic evidence does suggest he has known how to grasp sporting equipment since at least 2005:
Though apparently he never learned to apply the technique to the bicycle.
By the way, besides the body armor incident earlier this year, and the 2016 incident that compelled him to call for face masks:
Branson was the victim of yet another “collosal” crash in 2021:
This one due to an apparent brake failure:
Say the line, Sir Dick:
It’s unclear what type of braking system Branson was using at the time, though a photo accompanying the announcement for this year’s event depicts him on a disc brake-equipped road bike and riding without body armor or facial protection:
As for other judgmental British people, after breaking his back on an e-bike, Simon Cowell broke with tradition and forewent the helmet scolding, instead telling people to RTFM:
Two years later he crashed again:
And finally got with the program:
Not to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but that second crash has Big Helmet all over it.
So let’s review:
- Gordon Ramsay: Plastic racing bike, crash
- Richard Branson: Plastic racing bike, crash
- Simon Cowell: Overpowered motorized bike, crash
Helmets caveats not withstanding, perhaps all of these gentlemen should consider more age- and lifestyle-appropriate bicycles. For example, they might consider switching to bikes with…oh, I dunno, tall quill stems to get the handlebars up a bit and really long wheelbases for enhanced stability? There gotta be somebody who sells a bike like that, right?
If you can think of anybody let me know and I’ll pass it along.
