While I spend an inordinate amount of time spewing forth words, occasionally I like to take a few in, so I was pleased recently to find my copy of Grant Petersen’s “Bicycle Sentences” had arrived:
While the cover suggests the book is “occasionally infuriating,” in thumbing through it most of what I saw struck me as being “eminently sensible:”
I guess certain types of people do find sensible things to be infuriating–though even I have to admit this may have been a bit harsh:
Just kidding:
It’s not harsh at all.
Now I should probably state explicitly at this point that the above is not an actual page from the book. You’d think such a disclaimer wouldn’t be necessary, but back in 2016 when I visited Rivendell I joked that Grant Petersen had picked me up at my hotel in a Ferrari, which started a rumor that Grant Petersen does in fact own a Ferrari:
Once again, for the record, Grant Petersen does not own a Ferrari–nor did George Plimpton ever own a Y-Foil:
And while I’m at it I’d like to put to rest the pernicious rumor that I own a recumbent. I mean yes, I’ve tried a recumbent, but I didn’t inhale:
I believe Grant Petersen took that photo, and I have a picture of him on that very same recumbent, but I can’t find it.
And no, he did not own it.
Anyway, after thumbing through the book, I was taken with a sudden and powerful urge to hop on my Platypus, ride the unpaved trail out of the city and up to one of my one of my favorite little woody nooks, perch myself upon a log, and read it. Alas, I didn’t have time for any of that, because I had errands to run, so instead I hopped on my Platypus and headed to Target:
It’s not quite as enchanting a ride, but I’ll take what I can get.
Then, upon leaving Target, I cursed audibly when I emerged to find the Platypus down for the count:
I blame myself and not the other bicyclist, since I parked the bike in haste and did notice a little “kickstand creep” on the uneven sidewalk, though I admit I regarded him suspiciously nonetheless.
By the way, you’ll note the bike is a KHS, and after Jamis and Raleigh duke it out for the Crown of Adequacy I think KHS should get a chance to fight the winner:
Though I’m sure there are people who still soil themselves over those old Aero Tracks:
As for leaving a Rivendell locked up outside with accessories in situ, it may be foolhardy, but I have a theory that in the delivery app age e-bikes have taken over the black market, and as such thieves have absolutely no interest in any of the following:
- A Zefal frame pump that doesn’t work on a Shrader valve
- An exquisitely crafted saddle bag that is not insulated
- A saddle made from cowhide that cannot be subject to constant downpours
I could see them being interested in the lights, but even then mine are red and white, whereas e-bikes now use neither of those colors in an attempt to bewilder other road users:
Speaking of steel bikes, I found myself watching some classic Paris-Roubaix footage recently…
…and at about 57 seconds in is some positively sublime slo-mo steel fork deflection porn:
Of course today we don’t need any of that because we have forks with “self-healing spring-backed IFP architecture:”
I don’t know what that means, but it sounds like something out of “Terminator 2:”
We also have non-suspension bikes that are more compliant. Twenty-seven percent more compliant, to be exact:
And they didn’t even have to use the supercomputer to make it!
Since they felt compelled to point this out, we can safely assume all other bikes are now designed by supercomputers and not humans, which sounds about right.
While I am and will always be partial to bicycles made from metal to which magnets adhere, even I admit will soon become impossible to explain to consumers why they should consider any material other than crabon, for the simple reason that it allows designers (or the supercomputers that are replacing them) to equip bicycles with glove compartments:
Or batteries:
A frame without integrated compartments will soon seem as primitive as one with cables and rim brakes.
