As an urbanite and “woosie” (though the former implies the latter so I’m already squandering words), I’m not particularly interested in bikepacking or disappearing into the desert for days on end or whatever else you see on those desert hipster websites. Most of the time, my ideal ride starts and ends at home, and my idea of sleeping under the stars involves doing so on a proper bed in a domicile with a proper bathroom and a solidly-build roof between me and the heavens. However, I am very much enchanted with our local waterways:
And I admit that I sometimes fantasize about getting one of those packrafts, strapping it to the Jones, and taking little bikerafting daytrips. Of course, it’s hard to imagine having the the time to do that (I mean sure, my life’s easy, but it’s not “Fuck it, I’ll go spend eight hours bikerafting today!” easy), but still, it’s fun to think that maybe one day I’d go tackle the Bronx River or something:
Presumably The Algorithm must know this about me, because it recently served me this video:
Now, I should point out that I’ve only watched the first two minutes of this video before I had to go do something else, so I can in no way vouch for its contents. Like, for all I know this guy’s videos are about how to find quiet spots to dump dead bodies, and if that’s the case then I can assure you I had no idea. Nevertheless, I did watch far enough to see him start pulling rental scooters out of the river before he could even get his boat in it:
As I’m sure I’ve noted on more than one occasion, though I’m too lazy to link to any of those occasions, the Bronx is where micromobility goes to die:
There are deceased scooters and forsaken Citi Bikes down every footpath and under every overpass (or should that be over every underpass?). While most of the city has been spared shared scooters (say “spared shared scooters” ten times fast), the north Bronx is home to various pilot programs, and, as you can see, many of them wind up getting piloted right into the river. As for Citi Bike, in recent years the service area has finally expanded to the northern Bronx, but the blue bikes were already a common sight well before then, for this has long been the final resting place for the purloined and the abused.
It’s hard to think of a technology that has simultaneously succeeded and failed as spectacularly and completely as micromobility. In terms of widespread adoption it has been a tremendous success, and small electric vehicles have become ubiquitous. At the same time, it has utterly failed to fulfill the utopian promise of reducing the number of cars on the road, and at this point anyone who thinks it still will must be deeply delusional. Yes, I’m aware of all the surveys in which people say if it weren’t for the scooters they would have driven, but here’s the thing about people: they say what they know you want them to say. We all know the famous before-and-after picture of Amsterdam, a city that was transformed when it decided to take back its streets from the motor vehicle:
I suppose it’s possible that in 49 years we’ll be looking at side-by-side pictures of New York City and marveling at how small battery-powered devices have transformed the city into a paradise, but I wouldn’t bet on it, and if anything battery power just seems to be making everything worse:
I too used to be a micromobility optimist, and I still respect its right to exist and compete and evolve in the laboratory of transportation evolution that is the New York City streets. But six years later I’m not impressed, and I’ve reverted to a state of bicycle chauvinism; it’s my personal belief that the pedal-powered bike does have the power to make a city better, but everything else is basically just more crap.
But what about Citi Bike? Is that also “just more crap?” Nah. I’m a bicycle chauvinist, remember? I think the e-bikes have enhanced craptacular riding to an unfortunate degree, but overall I feel much better about Citi Bike than I do most of the other junk out there. However, I can’t relate to this at all:
I’m not one of these people who hate tourists. Quite the contrary; I’m grateful that they choose to visit our city, even if I think you have to be completely insane to choose this as your vacation destination. (Though I guess it’s probably a lot more fun to be here when you know you get to leave.) However, I will say that nobody owes you a sub-$10 e-bike ride. “What the hell are we doing?,” he asks. No, the real question is what the hell are you doing with an e-bike for 15 measly minutes? Just walk, for chrissakes! And if you need a bike for longer than that get a day pass or something:
Or just go to Times Square, sit on a Citi Bike and pedal, it’s completely free:
Though I will admit that I myself have not used a Citi Bike since…oh, I dunno, 2019? Yes, I was a founding member, and I even wrote an op-ed about it for the New York Times:
Sadly I’ve rage-quit the New York Times so can’t read it anymore, and to be completely honest the editorial process was so tortuous that by the time I was done with it I had no idea what I was even writing anymore. But the byline impressed my dentist, which is really what getting a byline in the Times is all about.
But yes, while I didn’t exactly rage-quite Citi Bike, I did eventually give up on it because it seemed like whenever I wanted to start a trip I couldn’t find a bike, and whenever I wanted to end a trip I couldn’t find an empty dock. This was frustrating enough that I no longer saw the point, and typically find walking or public transportation to be a more convenient and reliable alternative. (Yes, I just used “public transportation” and “reliable” in the same sentence). I’m sure a lot depends on where you need to go and when, and clearly many, many people have a far more favorable experience with Citi Bike than I have had. Ridership is huge, and the widespread and ready availability of shared bicycles is absolutely a meaningful amenity that any decent-sized city should have.
Still, I think certain people have to get past the notion that the city has somehow failed you if you have to walk a moderate distance. We’ve successfully villainized people who require parking so they can drive their cars everywhere, but somehow demanding cheap access at all times to a bike with a battery to cover a walkable distance is virtuous behavior.
Maybe one day someone will invent a bike that doesn’t require a battery…
Nah, it’ll never catch on.
