[Editor’s Note: A kind note for our readers that this article and accompanying film deal with themes of depression and suicide. Reader/viewer discretion advised.]
There’s a common adage in the sport that “running is cheaper than therapy,” and often, that’s as far as conversations about mental health and sports go. Professional skier and less-professional ultrarunner Drew Petersen is out to change that.
In his new film, “Feel it All,” he uses his journey of racing the Leadville 100 Mile in Colorado and skiing all of the peaks the course passes under as a platform to talk about his struggles with mental health, suicidal thoughts, and his relationships with both skiing and running.
He says, “I want to change the entire culture of mental health.”
The film starts with the statistic that during the 34 minutes it’ll take the viewer to watch it, three people in the U.S. will die by suicide. Overlaying shots of Petersen running in a beautiful landscape is his voice describing his state of mind three years earlier. “I want to be dead. I don’t want to be alive. I don’t want to keep going anymore. I just don’t believe that any of this will ever get better.”
It’s quickly apparent that while this film uses the storyline of running the iconic Leadville 100 Mile and skiing the peaks in the Sawatch Range outside of Leadville as a story arc, the film is about far more than that.
Petersen continues with his reflection on the time period, “I was literally trying to find a way to survive today to see tomorrow. And I knew if I could do that, then yeah, I could do anything. I could climb any mountain, I could ski any line, and I could run 100 miles.”
Petersen is much better known in the skiing world than the ultrarunning world, receiving his first sponsorship at age 16 and making a living skiing powder in front of a camera in locations around the world.
He says, “Way more people would define me as a skier than as a runner, but I think that’s mostly because I’m good at skiing, and I’m a professional skier, and those things aren’t true for running. But it’s a big part of who I am and a big part of how I experience my life, and it gives me a lot of direction and passion and purpose.”
Drew Petersen (left) skiing in a scene from “Feel it All.” All photos: Drew Petersen
Running as a Lifeline
In the depths of a depressive episode, Petersen found himself with an entry to the 2023 Leadville 100 Mile, a race he’d known about since he was a kid growing up in Silverthorne, Colorado, just a mountain pass north of Leadville. Training for the race became his lifeline and earning the larger sub-24-hour finisher belt buckle became the goal.
Along the way, Petersen brought his own unique life perspective to training for the race by skiing all of the mountains the race passes under, including Mount Elbert, the highest peak in Colorado, and Mount Hope, the peak towering over the high point of the race as it crosses the mountain’s shoulder on Hope Pass.
Petersen says, “I’ve always run in the summer, the same ridgelines and peaks and places that I ski in the winter. What stays constant is the mountains. Getting to know those mountains throughout the whole year and throughout multiple seasons really creates this depth of relationship there.”
While the film is filled with beautiful scenery and running shots, its depth comes from Petersen bringing the viewer along on his mental health journey, from his first thoughts of suicide at age nine, to a rock-fall accident five years earlier on Mount Hood in Oregon, which could have ended much worse than it did, and to his diagnosis with post-traumatic stress disorder and bipolar disorder afterward.
During the race, the film follows Petersen and his crew along his 100-mile journey on the Leadville course and demonstrates the strength that Petersen has gained from addressing and being open with his mental health.
A scene from “Feel it All” shows the start of the Leadville Trail 100 Mile.
Running as a Supplement to Therapy
In the end, he points out that while running may be a good supplement to therapy, it’s no replacement, and he argues that separating the two has given him a deeper appreciation of both life and the sport.
He says, “In no way shape or form are skiing and running a substitute for real therapy. My toolkit is everything I do in my fully renovated lifestyle.” He continues, with a smile in his voice, “That opens up skiing and running to be fun.”
Call for Comments
- Do you find running or another sport beneficial to your mental health?
- Has there been a race or run that got you through a difficult time in this way?
