It was Kirk Cousins’ birthday on Monday, which meant he got to control the music at Falcons practice. It’s the most dad rock playlist you could possibly imagine, with the most-recent song being from 2013, and the bulk of them being early 2000s bangers.
Cousins and I have a lot in common. We’re both dads. We’re both in our 30s. We both have a propensity for building up expectations only to disappoint people. I think this makes me qualified to rank Kirk’s
No. 1: Mr. Brightside — The Killers
If you don’t like Mr. Brightside you can’t be trusted. Sure, it’s overplayed like hell at this point — but it’s a certified banger. The bar-closing-turned-British-soccer-anthem is an absolute perfect mixture of rises and crescendos, while also being a brilliant juxtaposition of upbeat tempo with lyrics that address jealousy and paranoia. Easily the best on this list.
No. 2: Best of You — Foo Fighters
This is a great song, but it’s a B-tier Foo Fighters song for me. It’s a testament to how good Foo Fighters are that a B-tier song is still No. 2 on this list. If Cousins had put “Everlong” as his lone choice from the band it would be top by a mile. Ultimately though, “Best of You” is Foo Fighters at their most generic, which isn’t bad, it’s just not special.
No. 3: Stacy’s Mom — Fountains of Wayne
This is one of those songs that’s super fun to listen to and sing along with — just don’t spend much time processing the lyrics because they’re creepy as hell. Quite literally this song is about befriending Stacy to seduce her mother and become her new dad. Just bop along and don’t think about it too much.
No. 4: All the Small Things — blink-182
A really solid song I’m never sorry to hear, but I think it’s another case where there are numerous other blink-182 songs that are better suited for inclusion. This was the band’s big commercial hit, and it’s written and played like a song meant for commercial impact. It’s soulless from a band that can be surprisingly deep. Still Top 5 on the list.
No. 5: Holiday — Green Day
I have a very difficult time appreciating Green Day post-2000. I know the entire “American Idiot” album is beloved, but it’s here where they went from being a pretty pure punk rock band into really leaning in on made-for-radio earworms of pop punk. The big thing that hurts Green Day is that “Dookie” was such a perfect album their discography was more or less downhill from there.
No. 6: The Anthem — Good Charlotte
I have probably heard this song more than anything else on this list for one reason: Madden 03. It was all over the soundtrack and while I didn’t love it on first listen, it really grew on me over the years. I absolutely get why people love this song.
No. 7: Somebody Told Me — The Killers
The second song from The Killers on the list, and it’s good! There’s nothing really about Somebody Told Me that stands out as brilliant, or makes it bad. It’s just a solid, middle-of-the-road song that’s appropriate for the No. 7 spot.
No. 8: Ocean Avenue — Yellowcard
Another song formerly on a Madden soundtrack, Ocean Avenue is a pure summer jam. It’s the kind of song that makes you take the top off the jeep, grab a cold drink, and drive by the beach. It’s just joyful, and I’m here for it.
No. 9: Stereo Hearts — Gym Class Heroes feat. Adam Levine
This song was everywhere circa 2013, and over saturation pushes it down the list. Here’s why I love that it’s on here: I like to imagine that Kirk Cousins was thinking to himself “I need to put some hip hop on my playlist for the guys” and this was the absolute best he could think of.
No. 10: Kryptonite — 3 Doors Down
I don’t know if there’s a single band with a discography as large as 3 Doors Down that still feels like a one-hit-wonder. Kryptonite is a super solid song, but every time I hear it I really can’t help but think they’re saying “If I eat raisin bran will you still call me Superman.”
No. 11: The Middle — Jimmy Eat World
Hey, don’t write this song off yet. Look, it’s fine, it’s fine. I don’t think this is a brilliant song, but it works for its intended purpose of being an upbeat practice rock song.
No. 12: Dirty Little Secret — The All-American Rejects
I don’t care for The All-American Rejects. They feel like a band invented to ape off 20 other bands in the hope of becoming famous and it worked. I’m actually surprised I’m putting the song this high.
No. 13: Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous — Good Charlotte
It’s a mediocre song. I don’t have much more to say about it.
No. 14: Sugar, We’re Goin Down — Fall Out Boy
This is one where I have some writer tilt, because I actively dislike Fall Out Boy. They helped jump start a whole era of butt-tier pop punk, and I can’t forgive them for it.
No. 15: Move Along — The All-American Rejects
This is another totally meh song from a totally med band. It’s a very below-average song that doesn’t do much to inspire emotion from me.
No. 16: Dear Maria, Count Me In — All Time Low
All Time Low started as a blink-182 cover band, and it shows. There’s nothing unique or special about their music, or anything memorable. This is one I would sub out for quite literally anything on this list.
No. 17: This Love — Maroon 5
The only acceptable Maroon 5 song to listen to. Still Maroon 5.
Kirk Cousins playlist is actually better than I would have thought
I appreciate that Kirk went for music he enjoys without trying to seem cool, because this is a patently uncool dad-focused track list. There’s too much pop punk for my liking, and it results in a list that’s too one-note, but it’s a lot better than I would have expected if you told me Kirk Cousins made a playlist.
I give it a solid B –
