It’s feeling rather springy out there, though the springy cri-tabium bike I’ve been riding may have something to do with that:
[Weird how the phone makes it look like the bike has Biopace wheels.]
It really does feel springy, I’m not lying, though I’d have to consult with Jan Heine to determine if it’s actually “planing.” (Planing is the luminiferous aether of cycling, Heine’s claims that he has proven its existence notwithstanding.) By the way, speaking of ti-crabium, Classic Cycle has another specimen from Seven:
I always used to think to myself, “It sure seems like there are some fucked-up Sevens rolling around out there,” and it turns out I wasn’t imagining things:
The used marketplace is also generally awash with Sevens sporting heliotropic cockpits that look like they’re trying to reach the sun, and that were presumably ordered by people who were either unwilling or unable to come to terms with the fact that they’d be a lot more comfortable on a stock Rivendell:
Some people think Rivendells are expensive, but they’re a hell of a lot cheaper than a custom denial bike and a complete Assos wardrobe–and classier to boot.
Speaking of spring, it’s Classics Season, and once again I totally missed Paris-Roubaix. It’s not that I don’t want to watch it; it’s just that on a Sunday morning I can either watch people ride bikes, or I can go ride a bike myself, and given a choice I’ll always opt for the latter. However, I did watch some highlights when I got back from my ride, much to the consternation of my TV’s voice search function:
Meanwhile, as my brother informs me, Ben Stiller presumably managed to catch the whole thing:
Ben Stiller has like five million followers on Twitter, and about 50 people (at least at press time) liked that tweet, meaning approximately .001% of his followers have any idea what he’s talking about–either that, or lots of them do, but they have an issue with Phil Liggett. Regardless, while he was seen around the Tour de France in the Armstrong days…
…so were a lot of other famous people, but unlike them he clearly he remains a fan of the sport:
As for whether he rides too (non-cycling cycling fans are incredibly rare here in Mexico’s pompadour), I have no idea, though he’s told at least one amusing anecdote about riding bikes on talk shows over the years:
Not to read too much into amusing talk show anecdotes, but his experience beautifully illustrates how unappealing “serious” cyclists can make riding bikes seem to normal people, who either conclude that this is an activity for lunatics and never do it again, or else follow a fraught path that ends with their ordering a custom Seven with the geometry of a building scaffolding.
As for Lance Armstrong, he’s still as modest as ever:
Really, one of the most polarizing figures in the world? In 2024?!? Yeah I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure if you stopped people at random on the street and asked them who they think the most polarizing person in the world is, most of them would name a bunch of other people, and then when you asked, “What about Lance Armstrong?,’ they’d reply, “Who? You mean the bike guy? I dunno, weren’t they all cheating anyway?,” and walk away.
As for who is polarizing in 2024, I refuse to name any names, because it’s too polarizing. Instead, I choose to continue to distract myself with the comings and goings of celebrities, because that’s the American way. For example, a reader informs me that you can now by this Budnitz:
And it’s not just any Budnitz. It’s Rosie O’Donnell’s Budnitz!
Presumably it was found in a garage next to Jon Voight’s car:
Incidentally, according to a recent survey, the politically outspoken Jon Voight is roughly 6% more polarizing than Lance Armstrong, though both share the same complete lack of name recognition for anybody under 30.
Alas, the seller apparently lacks the paperwork to prove the Budnitz’s provenance, though one wonders what sort of paperwork one could possibly obtain in that regard; like, is there an organization that authenticates stuff owned by Rosie O’Donnell, like the American Kennel Club issues pedigrees? Also, is there someone so intent on owning Rosie O’Donnell’s Budnitz that they’d insist on seeing the papers that prove it? I even tried to verify the seller’s claim myself, but alas, a quick search of The Internet reveals no pictures of Rosie O’Donnell astride a Budnitz, and in fact the only bike you can find her on or near that’s not a Harley-Davidson is this…thing:
In any event, it’d be doubtful that mere ownership of a Budnitz–or any other bicycle for that matter–by Rosie O’Donnell would be sufficient to expedite its sale; after all, O’Donnell is only a fraction as polarizing as people like Lance Armstrong and Jon Voight, who themselves are only moderately polarizing. I mean, if the seller had the Budnitz that David Byrne rode to the Met Gala, complete with authenticating papers and perhaps even his white Nehru jacket, that would be something else entirely:
As an artifact, that’s right up there with the gold Colnago that Ernesto gave to the Pope:
[Ernesto Colnago explaining to Pope John Paul II that while from a mechanical standpoint there’s nothing stopping him from converting the bike into a fixed-gear, to do so would be blasphemy and may he rot in Hell.]
As for the used Budnitz market in general, here’s what it looks like:
That’s a hefty price tag for a bike not owned by Rosie O’Donnell. Also, there’s not realizing that what you really need is a Rivendell and ordering a custom Seven, and then there’s not realizing that what your really need is a Rivendell and ordering a steampunk belt drive disc brake Budnitz, and I’d argue there’s more dignity in ordering the Seven. (Though that’s like saying KFC is healthier than Popeye’s. I mean it might technically be true, but does it really matter?)
Finally, I must be spending too much time browsing the classifieds, because I’m starting to get notifications like this:
Nice bike. You tell me it once belonged to Emilio Estevez and show me papers to prove it and you’ve got yourself a deal.
